Hotflash inc: I can't sleep

(unless it's no longer time to sleep)

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

I don’t remember the last time I had an uninterrupted eight-hour sleep. Here’s my normal nightly routine: I’m restless, so I watch a show online or read a book until my batteries run out like the Duracell bunny, usually mid-episode or mid-sentence, without warning. Conk out with the light on, make-up still on, mouth open, drooling. Wake up groggy with the TV still blaring at 4.30am with a start, remove my contact lenses if I forgot to do so earlier, and then try – and fail – to get back to sleep. I’m now wide awake, watching back-to-back YouTube videos of woodturning (it’s a thing), trying to hypnotize myself into falling asleep again. Eventually I give up, message friends in another time zone who are already well into their day, and then grumpily get up at a respectable hour. By early afternoon, I’m flagging and eyeing my bed covetously if I’m working from home, wondering if a siesta is out of the question.

You’d think I would learn. Chronic sleep de…