Dear perimenoposse: BRB, promise

Photo by joe ting on Unsplash

Dear treasured member of the peri/menoposse.

Whether you are a person going through it, a CEO, a doctor, a yoga teacher or all the people in between.

I see you. I appreciate you. (I am noticing people saying this on social media lately. I like it)

I’ve just recovered from a very rough flu that hit like a whirlwind on the 23rd and flew out the 26th, marking the end of the job of done for five years and parking me on the sofa I so steadfastly avoid.

I was forced to rest.

My friend and cleaner from the Philippines brought me flowers on Christmas Eve; she gets them from her friend who works in a flower shop. I almost cried because the gesture was just so nice. She’s recovered from breast cancer, and a range of terrible post-treatment symptoms. And recently she got scammed for a bunch of money with a bunch of her friends, and it’s not been nice. And she took a taxi to my house on Christmas Eve to bring me those flowers, not even knowing I was sick, and my god, I will never forget how that felt.

Then there is my colleague and friend in Istanbul, the one who left Gaza in August to accompany her son to university and earn her MBA, leaving her 14-year-old daughter in the care of family. Her plan was to establish residency and get them all out of Gaza and, well, we all know what happened on October 7. She’s been in a world of hell since then, trying to get her daughter someplace safe, from afar, (relatively, for now, although what is safe?) and get her out by any means possible. She also somehow managed to pass her midterms and make a joke with me on an awkward work Zoom call*.

These two members of the perimenoposse inspire me when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I know what it means to draw strength from other women. Because they are just so strong.

I draw strength from all of you too.

I’ve been going full-tilt with this platform for 3.5 years. now. It’s been awesome, and the tentacles have spread round the world in a way I could not have imagined.

I’ve known for awhile though, with creeping certainty, that I can’t continue at this pace.

Not without taking a breath to make a plan. Not without figuring out where I am going.

I’m reading a book called Content Inc. by Joe Pulizzi, and I’m crying on almost every other page, because I didn’t even know about this model – the name! the name! – and it’s what I’ve been following in my head all this time.

Still, it’s nice to find someone else who has done it, because so many people said I was doing it wrong that I’m shouting ‘aha’ a lot.

In that book he talks about McDonalds, and how at one point they actually closed to streamline, and came back three months later selling shakes, burgers and fries, and their business soared.

Something in my mind went ‘click’ in a good way.

Then I was listening to the Mel Robbins Podcast about having a kick-ass 2024. First, one of her resolutions was to stop complaining about menopause, and I immediately wrote and invited her on the podcast so she could talk about it instead, so send that big swing some energy and love. One of her tips was to stop and assess where you are and what you are doing, because you need that to have a clear vision of where you want to go.

“I know you are scared to stop,” she said. “I’m scared too.”

And right there, standing in my kitchen, I started bawling.

Because that is what I want to do.

That is what I need to do.

I started this year sick as a dog: full-blown leaky gut, Hashimoto’s and low thyroid, pre-diabetic and insulin resistant. Black moods like never before. Puffy and inflamed and exhausted.

Found a doctor and healed my gut, and everything else. I stopped drinking, I lost 20 pounds, I started somatic body and breathwork and released a lot of trauma; I started standing up for myself and removing what I don’t want and being more discerning, and it didn’t always go well.

It was my tornado of a transmenopausal year, and a lot of the time I felt like I was either wearing skin that didn’t fit or had no skin at all. And finally, after an epic, no-good, very bad perimenopause of more than 10 years, I went through menopause – and I’m finally coming back down to earth.

I was very lonely a lot of the time. I forgot what I liked to do for fun. Life started to feel mechanical. I isolated myself when I was sick and my social circle feels a lot smaller. This autumn I lost my main (other) job – with only a vague idea of what I’ll be doing in 2024. And in between growing moments of absolute post-menopause brilliance, and a gorgeous light that makes me feel I’m connected to the cosmos, on the day-to-day I’ve been feeling like I’m grinding down into a piece of cardboard.

They call that burnout, I think.

And it’s not helping on the content front. It’s not helping you. I feel like I’m grasping, treading water but barely, and it’s creating a major cognitive dissonance.

So here is what I need to tell you: Hotflash inc is taking a hiatus.

I’m going to rest, rejuvenate, then retool and reboot.

And come back strong, focused and firing on all cylinders.

I want to organize so that:

1. I can serve all of you better, providing just the right amount of information, and answers to your most burning questions, in the unique ‘Tilt’ (that’s Content Inc talk) that is Hotflash inc

2. I can make this venture sustainable

3. I can operate to the best of my ability and take advantage of all the awesome tools there are out there: more deep dives, more challenging the narratives, and more asking big, uncomfortable questions.

There is no meaningful way forward if I don’t do this.

It’s not hard to find someone to tell you how great hormone therapy is for you, and that you should be on it yesterday. You can also find a ream of people who will tell you that you should use ‘natural’ methods, and it's not necessary.

But small is the space where we look at the big picture, incorporating scientific evidence, but knowing we don’t have nearly enough of it, and so adding human experience and expert opinion. Lots of context. As little confirmation bias as possible. No fun (the constant fear, uncertainty and doubt of the current menopause conversation). That’s the Hotflash inc Content Inc. ‘Tilt’, and I want to occupy it fully.

I’m going to keep doing all that, but in a more intentional, thoughtful, focused and organized way.*

It’s just a few weeks. For all the lovely paid subscribers, including brand new ones!, please know I will pause subscriptions during this time.

In the meantime I may put out some content. We also have posts going up on social media.

I can't thank everyone enough for being here so far. This has meant the world to me. I am here for you. This is what I needed and didn't have, and so I want it to be awesome.

Here’s what I am asking you to do:

1. Hang tight.

2. Write and tell me what questions you want answered; what you really want to know. What you need.

3. Have a great start to the year.

And! I never want you to forget that this is very difficult now, but it's definitely going somewhere good*.

AMx

* Where do you think I’m getting the courage for this, anyway? Menopause made me do it.

* You find out a little more about just one terrible story out of this whole mess and help my friend get her daughter back here.